.

3:11:30:30

2011-10-25T18:28:00.000+08:00

Hi :) I've been here in this hellhole since February and this month marks the 9th month. And throughout this experience, I've learned a lot of things. I think before the winter break, i had the world at my feet. I had friends. I had my personal great wall of China, concrete pillars that held me up, a backbone and a heart.

But i lost it all,

along the way.

God is great.

He found me someone who loves me.

So here i got myself a soulmate, a better half.

Someone who is willing to change for me,

do things other people won't do to save their lives.

My heart found its own twisted way to piece itself together.

He completed me.

And then i got back the one person who i thought i have lost.

Tight, but not as tight as we are now.

My brother, an amazing creation.

I know sisters who would die for this bond.

I had the relatives visiting,

reminding me that

"Hey, you're not alone!"

And then i had a very good birthday.

Which was made possible by only the most wonderful people.

Salt and pepper, they say.

I don't know which i am,

but i sure love the aftermath of the blend.

Thank you.

But i know this is all not possible without the one person who got me in this shit in the first place. And still despite it all, agreed (or maybe had no other choice) to listen through all the nonsense i had to say and offer more hands than she can offer to pick me up from every little corner that i deemed the perfect hide out. I can't freaking find a picture of her and it's driving me nuts because i have to get my assignment done.

But, she is mommy! :)

All this doesn't change the fact that i still feel like crap,

most of the days.

But without all of you,

I'd be less than the nothing that i am.

I'm grateful for helping me get through this year.

Grateful that you guys didn't leave

like the few who chose to.

For choosing to understand me instead,

thank you.

Thank you.. :)

No words, no words.

No words at all.

These are mai fillings :')

Babai, xx.

9:09:37:56

2011-10-19T20:21:00.001+08:00

The soothing sound of the spinning fan right above me, and the familiar warmth of the place i call home. It's not a long wait until i'm sitting on that wooden chair again, hugging my knees to my chest. Yet, i die trying to be patient.

I haven't left this bed for two whole days. I've decided that i should take a walk tmr but it's the time of the month again, and that really cuts the mood for anything. I have my final assignment due next Friday (which all attempts of starting have failed so far) and then i'll be hopping on the next plane back to KL.

I was actually starting to worry about the way i've been reacting to petty things lately. I thought that i'd started to grow bitter over these couple of weeks. At least now i know i only have one thing to blame :) "It's a girl thing," I'd say. But still, i'm truly sorry if i was a pain in the ass.

I don't know why i even chose a time like this to blog. High chance of this being a bunch of bullshit because i'm in the midst of a battle with tummy cramps and emotional issues. Now that i've mentioned, i'm gonna take off and finish the rest of my day being unproductive.

Have a good night, peeps.

Gwaenchanseumnidaa

2011-10-18T22:05:00.000+08:00

Hi :) i know it's been a long time since i've bothered to update but like i've said before, i'm going to try taking this as something that matters again. Well, this time, i hope i find something that keeps me going because i obviously haven't found that inner drive i used to possess.

This is not going to be surprising but since i've stopped blogging, i completely lost touch of how to string together a simple sentence and to keep the flow of my essays. I think by sections and they come together as a very incoherent piece. It's a shame that as i age, my writing worsens. I wouldn't like to think it's all downhill from here.

Anyway, here comes the same ol' grandma updates of how i have been keeping up with life in Melbourne. It's been like 3 months since the last trip back to Malaysia? God, time passes too slow for me. I've been cave-dwelling. The only people i spend my time with is my brother and his bunch of friends. I guess since June i was officially out of the social circle.

Many times i feel like i've lost myself along this journey. A part of me hopes that i never made this decision of coming to Melbourne but a part of me actually sadistically enjoys the isolation. I can't even remember the last time i saw a friend on purpose, not taking into account the surprising bump-ins on the streets because it's only weird when it doesn't happen.

Melbourne is a freaking small place. There's really no way of escaping reality. I should've thought this through better than i did. Not only did this fail to bring my any benefit, it also destroyed all the things i once held so dear to me back in KL.

I'm a mess.

I guess it's time to wake up

and attend to what i've become.

Thanks SZS for still having faith in me.

Sadly, you're alone.

Pickles and Berries :)

2011-07-10T17:55:00.000+08:00

Pointless rallies call for boring days indoors. Attempted going for dinner on Friday with Kimmy and his relatives and got stuck in a jam for God knows how long. Refused to go out yesterday and today after going through hell so have been spending time at home doing practically nothing.

It's my last weekend in Malaysia and i have five more days left til i fly off to Melbourne. Still can't believe this is how i'm spending the last few days of my time in Malaysia. It's surprising that i haven't been clubbing since i got back but it actually feels fine. I'm sorry if i haven't been giving enough attention to anybody cause i've been devoting everything to SEE YU-BOONEEEE :)

I love youuuu :)

bu yao shen qi laaa.

Your love, it gives me strength :)

2011-07-06T01:05:00.000+08:00

Hi :) it's been awhile now. I had a great week. Left for holiday to Penang with the boyfie and his family on last Thursday morning. Great trip, great trip. So much fun, no doubt! Stayed at Sungai Petani a night before spending the next two at Penang. Sat on the jetski for the first time in my life all three days. It was a great experience but made me feel so lousy for not trying these things out earlier in life. I'm such a bore and a stick in the mud. I think i've said that before, too many times.

Sadly left Penang on a Sunday night and crashed at the boyfriend's for a night. Got special treatment the next day. I must have been behaving pretty well. He cooked porridge for lunch and then we headed out for Transformers at Pyramid. He bought me a dress, the sweetest thing. I'm still waiting for a day where i can wear it and not look like a fool :) Had dindin at ManhattanFishMarket before he sent me home and called it a night.

And then this afternoon he took me out for Korean BBQ. Brought back the whole nostalgia of being in Melbourne and having Korean twice every week. Kimmy practically whacked most of the food cause i was stuffed after the first dish. Headed back to his for my nap before going out again for badminton. I fed mosquitoes while he sweat it out. It was hell but honestly..

I'd do it all over again :)

Picture update:

Thank you for all that you've done for me. I know it's been hard for us but you've always been capable of assuring us. You think that you're not strong enough for the both of us but in time you'll see that you are. I believe in you. I love you baby :)

Always,

xx.

On the verge

2011-06-25T21:26:00.000+08:00

So it's been awhile since i got back but i honestly miss Melbourne like crazy. Not that there's much waiting for me back there but i want the house to myself so that i can do whatever the fuck i want. Everything's so dull here and being tied in chains is a big change compared to how things were down under. Not that mom and dad makes a fuss about what i do but still, it's got some difference. I'm surprised that i'm at a complete loss for words. I'm gonna find something more worth my time.

Another long break calls for another long story :)

2011-06-16T22:10:00.000+08:00

Oh, it's not right. This feels so surreal, prolly more surreal than when i tripped over nothing and fell flat on my face with my pink printed dress flipped over the back of my head. I actually can sleep at night and know that i have something to wake up for the next morning. It's not one of those unbearable, dreaded days. I don't want to lose this again, just like i did a few months ago. Infact now if i go anywhere further from here, i'd be losing more than what i did. I shouldn't have put myself in this position yet sometimes i think it's worth my every second. But then i'm putting my heart on a string, a string so thin that even a slight touch my break it. Does that even make sense? Feeling happy yet even more scared that i've got so much to lose.

These weeks are gonna fly by like me on the plane back home. That is a seriously scary thought. But as of now, i shouldn't be so busy worrying about nonsensical stressed up shit. I shouldn't be so caught up in embracing that very heartbreaking moment. I should be doing something else, shouldn't i? Enjoy this, maybe. It's a pleasure to be here and have everything i love surrounding me.

I have this..

What more do i need again?

I love the way you smile.

2011-05-31T19:19:00.000+08:00

I know, it's been a pretty long time. Have been so caught up with assignments and shit then i don't even have time to talk about what's been going on. I've found something new, something pretty intriguing :) It's been keeping me busy, occupied, keeping me up at night. I sleep when the sun rises :) same page, anyone? I'm supposed to be doing my assignments now but i'm so sleepy. Either gonna take a nap before starting on my work but i doubt i'd do it after i get up so, i'm off :)

Hog me, i'm a mess :)

2011-05-24T02:44:00.000+08:00

I'm here at the wee hours again but that's only because i was so damn busy studying and cleaning up my room. It was a complete mess and i couldn't even see the floor. I have been having to do big energy-consuming leaps every time i try to get on my bed from my bedroom door. It gets tiring :) and i'm sick of doing the same shit everyday. So today, i've decided that it's about time i get my shit cleaned up so that i can have the bed all to myself instead of sharing it with my clothes and bags.

I have a test on Wednesday which completely slipped my mind. Haa, explains why i'm up this late studying. And then i have my reading logs due on Friday but i think i'll start on those after my test :) i'm such a bum it's not even funny anymore. It's almost 5 and here i am blogging again about nothing that would interest anyone but i actually had a motive :)

I wanted to show you

how fkin' neat

my clothes are arranged!

And yes, that's how puny my "wardrobe" is.

This amazes the living shit out of me,

xx.

6am & ready for bed :)

2011-05-23T04:14:00.001+08:00

High low :) i'm up at the most awkward of hours. I don't have to attend class tmr because i am awesome :) This week will be the last week of classes and after that all i have to do is rush all my assignments and then shopshopshop and partypartyparty. Sounds good doesn't it? :) I'm feeling so much less emo, much better than before. For the first time in a long time, i didn't sleep my Sunday away. Instead, i went out for Korean BBQ again (second time this week), had two drinks at Max B after spilling the first on my Macbook and iPhone and then played some pool while waiting for Sher to be done with dinner.

I got the keys from her and came back to her place first because i was dying of exhaustion. I KO-ed on the couch for three hours which is why i'm so hyper and energised at 6am. This is doing my biological clock no good but i'm happy as fuck because i got some of my Modern Asia reading logs done. Tbh, just one but still.. i usually leave them to the extreme last minute so i bliv i have every right to be proud of myself.

I've been an angel and i think that explains why i've been so happy today. All this self-reflection is opening my eyes to a brand new me. I'm seriously overrating and overestimating myself here but i don't give a fuck because today..

I AM A HAPPY GIRL :)

HAPPY GIRL IS ME.

I'll blog tmr.

@MaxB with the ridiculous pink hairband, Sher the besty

and matching scarves to prove our fship :)

&this is me at 4am.

What a total camwhore,

xx.

It's not the same

2011-05-21T01:22:00.000+08:00

These skype sessions don't actually get old if they're not done too frequently. The calls i dread are the ones when mom nags about the new clothes i've bought. She hasn't grasped the fact that Melbourne gets cold and that wool somehow becomes my best friend. I've been underestimating the weather. It's only autumn. Sometimes i forget and think that it's not that bad because it's winter already and it's only THIS cold. I mean we have all been dressing up like it's crazy cold outside but i wonder what i'm gonna wear when winter comes.

It's a Friday night and i'm home blogging about, of all things, the weather. I've finally realized that i've been going out far too much for anyone's good and i need a break. For once after a very long time i said no to all the clubbing invites and what not. On a random note, i've been eating alot. I've got the munchies :( Heh, i gained a total of 4kg. Not even close to being surprising because the weather gets me so hungry all the time.

I'm going to bed soon. I only blogged because i wanted to show that i'm keeping my word about getting back to blogging on some kinda basis again. The update is.. I've been eating too much, procrastinating when it comes to uni, feeling very fucking emo and very very lonelay :(

Buhu, xx.

Bubble blues: 3months3days, nothing's changed.

2011-05-17T00:14:00.000+08:00

Hi :)

It's been a pretty emotional day. I got my sleeping hours back on track and i'm starkly proud about that. Well, it's 1 now and i'm still up so i'll have to see how tonight goes before proceeding with my brags. Anyways, i woke up at 830 today because of Jon's bloody alarm. The amount of times he snoozed it, countless. I had a last minute presentation meeting this morning and then a presentation at 11.30 which apparently went well. Chengju, our modern asia tutor, seemed to enjoy it very much even after the constant bombarding of questions; even political ones when the presentation was on Kpop. I wonder how he does it - connecting every single thing to politics.

I had the day free since 1.30. I stayed in class for an extra 10 minutes before heading to Maxb for chocolate frappe with Sher. She headed to class and i went shopping for a couple of hours and ended up, sadly, empty handed. Met up again with Sher for roticanai at Oldtown. Oh, how this makes me feel homesick. I just wanna run back home to where petty things used to matter. Melbourne is such a lonely place, no kidding.They all say it's only because it's only been 3 months but idk. Something tells me it's not about how much time has passed but more about my indecisiveness. This whole identity crisis thing is making me sick to the bone. Sounds like me blogging when i was 17 doesn't it? I think this whole phase comes when i feel like shit. It's not surprising.

I thought for someone as flirtatious as me, friends would come easy, go easy. But it seems to be only working one way. There were those days where i felt good and whole but then there are the rest of the days, most of the days where i feel so useless and unworthy. I'm still searching for the few things in life that i'd treasure but some say i'm too young for such important discoveries. These few years to come will be the fun years, the carefree years, the years of mischief and incessant mistakes. So where does this put me?

Shifting continents made me think that i would be in a better place, better people. Balls! I've brought myself to a corner so low I actually felt i would never be able to pick myself up again, put together the scattered pieces. And i'm still here. I've got the buds to offer hands but it's like metaphorically not having the strength to reach them. It's a shame that after coming this far, i still haven't learned the fundamental laws of life. My brain is an empty nut, cracked open for the world to see. In this case, i wear my brain/nut on my sleeve. So they all know. No one's left uninformed. They all know what i have to give..

Nothing.

Thanks for the constant attention and love, Sher.

:)

2011-05-14T19:26:00.001+08:00

Hello chickens.

@VII

Post-bubble night :)

@maxb

@tenren :)

Just one of those days.
xx

I am in Melbourne and i am Emo.

2011-05-11T14:26:00.000+08:00

I know i've been gone for a pretty long time. I've come back with more knowledge on what could possibly kill me in the deadliest of ways. I've decided to start back on blogging and to make it completely consistent. So to make it up for the months of being MIA, here i am :)

It's been unstable lately. I thought i found myself a comfortable spot to sit in but i was wrong. As usual i'm always filled with emotional crap and considering my pessimism, i never get far when it comes to picking up the pieces.

When i got here, i was a lost soul. I stuck out like a sore thumb and it wasn't at all in a good way. I felt starkly out of place and didn't find peace in any hang out spots or individuals. Melbourne was foreign and it still is. I still don't see myself living here. The only days i look forward to are Fridays and Saturdays and that's because i actually get to get out from my house.

And now, it has gotten worse. I don't even look forward to day outs. I hate everything about this fucking place and i have yet to figure out whether i'm gonna wanna stick around in the couple of years to come. The weather is killing me. I'm freezing my ass off which makes staying in a better option. But staying home is such a bore and i have nothing to look forward to. Okay, so i'm rambling. I'll go ahead with explaining the pictures :)

I got myself a Macbook Pro last month

and there goes the camwhoring.

My new best friend, Jonnyboy :)

Mish&d'girls :)

@Eve

@Shereen's :)

in the dress she gave me.

Such a sweety.

Our favourite bubble tea spot :)

@Tenren with Sher.

Sher&Chong :)

Mother's Day shoutout

from Jon&i :)

&mypinkdinasours.

So it's not that i've given up on blogging but i've just been busy settling down for the first two months. Well, this month is the 3rd but this is when the assignments and presentations start piling up like a bitch. I'm actually in class now and i've just finished my presentation so i've got time to just keep you guys updated.

I haven't changed. I'm still the bitchy girl full of criticism to offer. And i'm still headstrong about things i believe in but i'm still easy as hell to please. I haven't got a different impression or reputation after getting to Melbourne but that doesn't surprise me because this world is puny. I see the same familiar faces here and i'm honestly getting bored of how similar things are. The differences btw back home and Melbourne are the absence of late night mamak stores and shopping malls. It's crazy how expensive things can get here and it's even crazier how much dumber i've got after living here for 3 months.

Someone has to tell me what i'm doing wrong because i'm lost as hell. I'm going to be around for awhile now. I've deactivated my Facebook but that's only because i want to stop myself from stalking people. I'm such a stalker and a bum. Save me! :(

xx.

Fucking restraining order

2011-01-27T02:14:00.000+08:00

I know exactly what the fuck i need. It's the ability to do whatever the fuck i want and to do it without having to worry about anything. I'm old enough to make my own fucking decisions and i don't think i lived this long to be fucking controlled by anyone at all. And this is why i learn to be fucking grateful for what i have; because i can live like this forever (as long as the money's coming in), heh :) Every day i learn to appreciate this more and i grasp on the bond a tad bit tighter like a little girl on her guardian's hand. This is exactly what i want. And so many people have indirectly tried to fucking prove it to me. Because you're the best and i just don't settle for what's not.

fuck off!

:)

2011-01-09T01:09:00.000+08:00

Crazy conscience.

Something kinky?

2011-01-03T01:45:00.000+08:00

Happy new year!

2011 here i come.

I think i'm throwing this blog away.

You're always made up (:

2010-12-21T11:29:00.000+08:00

Hi :) holidays have been boring. I've been shopping like mad apparently for Australia's preparations but i don't know, it seems to be of pretty good use in Malaysia too ;) I am so happy about how things are this month. I got STRAIGHT A'S, complete opposite of what i've been expecting. But anyways, i'm gonna have to change the way i do things before i leave because i'm getting very used to the holidays and i don't think that's going to be good for me.

Graduation Day :)

2010-12-17T11:17:00.000+08:00

So i'm officially a CPU graduate and i'm so proud about my results. Good things usually come on a fancy piece of paper, more often 2D than 3. You see i always forget to mention what an awesome 2nd sem i've had. It wasn't like that at all when i first entered college. I'd have to admit that i'm pretty much the most difficult person. I don't let things go easily and i sure as hell would make a big fuss if something gets on my nerves.

Like my busybody act smart mate Lyn Kam,

she got from me a fuck you.

My apologies but i was mad.

The rest of them weren't annoying enough.

But thanks for the amazing 6months.

It was brief but traumatizing in every good way

and definitely not long enough to get pregnant.

Dickface

2010-12-13T02:52:00.000+08:00

You know what's crazy?

I don't know why but i keep going back to bangs

eventhough everyone disagrees.

I have this urge to wake up the next day

and be a total different person.

But then you realize that nothing changes.

You're still the same shit,

different day.

MR. S

2010-12-09T03:40:00.000+08:00

Lewis is Love (:

2010-12-06T01:13:00.000+08:00

YEE

JIUN

I MISS ICPU

2010-12-04T02:10:00.000+08:00

MY BEST FRIEND, NIKKI

BIG JET PLANE

2010-12-02T01:52:00.000+08:00

After wiping out my laptop this is the only picture i have of myself :) I need to start saving all my pictures on facebook before i lose every single picture i've ever taken. I have my finals coming up this Friday and tmr is just going to be me and the textbook but sometimes i don't really believe that.

I'm going to get some sleep now but before that i'd like to say

HAPPY 10months

to Lewis Yuen Wen Shen.

Loved you then, still love you now and always will.

Goodnight bby.

Hi my bbm pin is 21cadfff (:

2010-12-01T01:59:00.000+08:00

It's pretty queer that i have a sudden urge to blurt so many things at one time. I feel like i'm high on weed or shrooms, practically just anything which triggers the creative side of the brain (which would be the left, no?) I'm not sure enough about that fact to make a statement right now, hence the brackets. I'm listening to Paramore after a really long while. One reason would be because i've been hooked on 2NE1's Go Away and yes, that is k-pop. I've learned since then that there are a lot of people out there who don't favour the magic of k-pop. Of course in their case NOT MAGIC. But it is cute. And i've figured that it's usually the bubbly factor of the music videos which captivates me. I get hooked like a fish which reminds me that my nickname on bbm is Fishy Foo. How coincidental -.- Random fact but please forgive me.

What's with me and the constant talking? As of right now i feel truly annoying. I've been a little more daring than i usually am which wouldn't come off as something peculiar to the buds because i am typically noisy. But then of course i'd be well-versed with my usual level of daringness in conversation-making and i'd just have to say that today was exceptionally special. I talk, i laugh. What is wrong with me? One thing i need figured out.

What's the opposite of PMS?

:(

2010-11-29T00:34:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i forget what i've been so busy with. Why don't i even find myself time to blog? I have my finals coming up real soon and a starkly important exposition to carry out tomorrow. I'm kinda nervous, i'd have to admit. But i guess it usually turns out just fine. Except that my unreasonable expectations always make me feel less superior than i really am, if superior at all. So just a little update on my future plans..

I am going to Australia on a night Feb19 flight.
I will most probably be taking Journalism at RMIT and therefore ditching the Melbourne Uni offer.
I will be staying with my younger cousin smacked right at the city centre.
There goes everything i've ever tried to build up in Malaysia which is nothing as of right now.
So, thankgod :)

Busy weekend :)

2010-11-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

Fun, fun, fun.

It's about time i start working on my bloody assignments.

Jon's birthday, Danial's birthday.

You guys do the math.

I'm not gonna caption anything.

You're not 8months old.

Better treatment when i graduate.

Which is soon so don't sweat :)

Yours truly, xx.

Love.

2010-11-17T23:26:00.000+08:00

It's not flawless but it's close to perfect. I love every inch of your charm and i kid you not about melting. It's something about the way you look into my eyes and the way you talk about me. You plant a kiss on my forehead and all the worries fade away. What could stay as distraction when i have you breathing down my neck? You make me feel so many emotions at the same time and it's good to call you my own. Thanks bby for being amazing, i love you.

Ps: MINUS THE TEARS.

Bro code

2010-11-15T08:34:00.000+08:00

Republic.

We got swagger ;)

2010-11-11T23:21:00.000+08:00

History class.

Ikmal Edris.

Chasing after your leaving train

2010-11-09T22:19:00.000+08:00

It feels surprisingly comfortable to finally be able to do the whole routine again and again. I keep reminding myself about how important everything is to me. I love the fact that i don't have anything to worry about anymore. Things are looking up unless it starts to get complicated again.

But for now,

i have everything i've ever hoped for.

Get well soon Lewis,

xx.

Breathe you out

2010-11-09T08:47:00.000+08:00

Just like every other guy, you put a knife right through my heart and expected me not to shatter. I can't even think of a reasonable reason for running. This is how i make it easy. If you're disappearing, don't forget your heart.

I can already imagine you saying that.

Hi, just a mini dropby :)

2010-11-08T11:41:00.002+08:00

Who wears a fedora

every single fkin' day?

Well, just so you know..

YOU ARE AMAZING :)

He got married, i got drunk :)

2010-11-06T03:05:00.000+08:00

Congrats to my suksuk

who just got married :)

Headed to Republic after the wedding.

Had fun.

Reunion :)

2010-11-05T17:06:00.001+08:00

Favourite people on Earth :)

This is not the end.

2010-11-03T23:33:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i love you more than you can imagine :)

Happy Halloween! :)

2010-10-31T22:54:00.000+08:00

This weekend has been a little boyfriend-deprived. However, i did have a lot of fun both Friday and Saturday nights. It's a known fact that i don't club much and so i shall not be keeping the frequency up. Not getting the whole Halloween fever but still, Happy Halloween guys :)

It's one of those special days

again tmr.

MOS:

Triple x's.

I love my boyfriend ;)

Curls :)

2010-10-27T00:01:00.001+08:00

My boyfriend and i managed to go through a very difficult phase. It was honestly one of the most relieving moments of my life and i can actually swear on that. Ytd, he proved to me that there is no doubt about how much he can single-heartedly love me. He might be an arse some of the days but seriously, i can't even say "i love you more" and mean it because he has gone beyond the things i can do for him. Lewis might not be the greatest to everyone, or the nicest. He might not be a Chace Crawford lookalike or Bart Bass' son but he proved that he is capable of forgiving me and loving me like no one else has ever loved me before. This guy might not be the world's best boyfriend but when he's with me, he tries to become the best person he can be. And that's all i'll ever need.

And that is why i was home late ytd.

Because we had our moment.

And that is why i will never feel like

i've placed him above my family.

BECAUSE HE IS FAMILY.

And that is why i don't feel guilty.

Because this is the best i can do.

I love you guys equally.

As Bianca would say,

"don't jealous."

Except that i'm talking about family

not my cellulites.

Forgive me Lewis.

That was honestly mean.

You guys are not loyal readers :(

2010-10-20T23:14:00.001+08:00

My house is stocked up with Yakult and i think people should know that i am no kidding a Yakult fanatic :) it's so indescribable. Very, very tasty. I'm dumbfounded. Goodnight, xx.

CPU-ian and proud :D

2010-10-17T23:37:00.000+08:00

This week flew like a breeze.

Fun and memorable.

I love CPU.

I honestly didn't bliv this day would come.

Wayback,

Australia comes a step closer.

2010-10-13T23:46:00.000+08:00

So the reason why i've got my mind wrapped around Australia is because i have officially applied at RMIT University for Feb 2011's intake. It gets more real and closer everyday. I'm still in the midst of digesting something this big. It's not going to be a change you adapt to in a day or a week. I have to leave so many things behind - the parents, the relatives, the boyfriend, the boyfriend's family, the best friends, ASIA CAFE, the shopping malls, the late night mamaks, the not so awesome clubs, the handbags!, the clothes. I mean i'm just not going to be able to bring everything i want along with me. I think i'm going to cry, again. I'm like getting so excited but dreading it at the same time. What i dread most would be the last moments at the airport. I could really wait for that, the longer the better. I don't want to leave but at the same time, i want a brand new experience. New country, new institution, new environment, new chill out venues, new environment, new rules, new faces. I think it would be nice :) youknow?

10.10.10 :)

2010-10-11T00:10:00.000+08:00

I've realized something :) the fact that i've been so engrossed with my rship that things like 10.10.10 and all those so-called important dates don't even appeal to me anymore. Everyday is so special that there aren't many which are in any way extraordinary. I guess that could be good or bad.

Beach day on Friday :)

My buhdy, Amna :B

@Republic

Dress up week comes to an end :(

2010-10-09T02:07:00.000+08:00

It was seriously great fun :)

I swear second sem is the best time i've had since July.

I'm looking forward to the musical.

I'm such the school level of patriotic/nationalistic.

Ohmigoodness.

Sue me *shyshy*

Thursday: Mismatch day :)

Friday: Beach day :)

VEDDYVEDDYBEACHY(bitchy) -.-

Lame.

It is not the pms.

2010-10-07T23:04:00.000+08:00

I'm not going to lie and say that i'm a very accomplished individual. Neither am i going to brag and say that i have a couple of awesome talents at my fingertips. That's because none of that is real and i'm not going to deny and say that it doesn't affect me even a little bit. I've been completely unproductive and a pig in making. I've done nothing encouraging or boosting for my very own self-esteem. As pessimistic as that sounds, it still remains as the one and only absolute truth. I haven't been jumping up and down for the excessive amount of joy in my life because honestly there wasn't much to begin with. It's not a wonder that i'd find myself sitting in a lonely corner ranting and grunting about the shit i need to walk through every fucking day. But what's even more ironic is that i feel so darn happy about my unaccomplished self and still choose to sit around and do nothing about it. Why?

Am i that ignorant about the things that are going on? I haven't even started worrying about the obstacles and barriers i might actually have to break through. Why am i even complaining about this when it is in fact of no help? You know what? I don't care, goodnight.

No one took pictures today! :(

2010-10-06T23:38:00.000+08:00

PROM DAY=STUPIDEST DRESS UP WEEK DAY

Tomorrow?

We see.

MAI PAHTNER IN CRYME

Legs legs legs :)

2010-10-05T23:48:00.000+08:00

Today seems more like POUT day

then white day.

But i don't know.

Everyone either completely angelic

or downright rebellious (the ones in black).

Go jump off something tall.

I wonder who's going to dress up like prom tomorrow.

For the boys, never over the top.

But the girls, seriously.

What the fuck are we supposed to wear?!

You know what?

I love second sem.

Hat day :)

2010-10-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

Hi.

My best friend's birthday :)

2010-10-02T18:44:00.000+08:00

Hey :) so i didn't get to update the blog ytd but today i have time so i'm getting to all the uploading. I'm glad it's fast and not failing on me. Heh :) So we had dinner at Tgif, Gautam's treat. Omg, on another note, i love How I Met Your Mother. Barney's making a speech on bimbos. Haha, this is awesome.

And then we spent a couple of hours drinking at the park nearby :)

It was fun.

i love you guys :)

I quit life.

2010-09-28T21:46:00.002+08:00

I don't understand why i even decided to take a joy ride down this guilt trip. I've done nothing wrong and honestly i've been spoonfeeding too much. I've never asked for more than someone's capabilities has to offer and even then it still feels like a burden. I don't know what steps to take. It's not easy being thrown off when i've already got the world being so hard on me. I've never meant to bring anyone else down with me but i feel like a victim. I just want things to go my way some days. I don't want to live through doubts and lies. I'm so sick of everything. If i'm asked to leave i'd walk away. I don't think i want to stay when i'm the only one wanting this. Goodnight. Don't miss me.

Cheese McShaker Fries, notnice. Not nice at all :(

2010-09-27T23:55:00.000+08:00

Triple x :)

Amazing weekend :)

2010-09-27T00:12:00.000+08:00

It has seriously been an awesome weekend and everything has been really great. Saturday was Kila's surprise birthday party and then Lewis and i went to Station One for beer with JJ :) I've been really happy and i thank you guys for all the good times. Today, we went to Fireman with Ben and Ryan and i swear we raped the shop good. I'm so full. Fkin' double dinners. Haha, i love you all.

Sry the pictures are not in order.

I used the lazy way out and just added them all together soo ya :(

Hi yes i'm thaat bored :(

2010-09-24T01:04:00.000+08:00

Extremely proud to say that i am completely done with my IB assignment. It isn't as creative as i'd have liked it to be. You know i'm tired. I'm done talking shit.

Squid with salted egg yolk that i cooked.

Awesome, no kidding.

I am such a camwhore.

Aftermath of traffic jams.

Back to bangs?

2010-09-22T23:53:00.000+08:00

It's not about getting someone to do the things you want them to do. It's about the shit they would go through just to get it done. It's a letdown when it doesn't work out that way. The little things are seen as nothing when it really is a big deal. And then it would be nonsensical and unreasonable to take these little things into account. But it gives a great impact and most of the time it depresses you. But something inside whispers that miserable amount of moral support and it still keeps you going. We still hold on to the things which kill us and we just keep staying.

What would Jesus do, xx.

The break is over, now what?

2010-09-20T00:09:00.000+08:00

I know, there's been a complete lack of updates and it's only because i've been busy with the holidays and whatnot. I don't think i'm even home enough to update my blog and i haven't even begun excessive late nights yet. I come home for sleep to say the least and that's practically all i've been doing. Have been spending a whole lot of money on nothing but crazy amounts of pool games but they're worth every penny so i haven't started complaining yet. College starts back as usual tomorrow and i'm back to a five-period day with only an hour break. Yes, it's as pathetic and sad as it's sounds. But guess what? I only have two more months before i graduate and fly down to Australia. Kors, here i come :)

Just you wait ;)

Happy birthday me!

2010-09-11T03:09:00.000+08:00

Thanks guys for all the unexpected birthday wishes. I love you! :)

ITS LEGAL WOOHOO!

Thanks kor for sending the shoes back just for my birthday.They fit perfectly. Love you!

Thanks Gautam for the awesome night, the beer and the candy :) I love you! :)

Thanks Grace che for the lip gloss and liner and dinner at Tgi's. I love you!

Thanks Lewis' daddy for the handbag. You've been great these 7 months and i feel very well taken care of. Love you!

Thank you baby boy for the dress and belt. I tried it on ;) ha, it's good. I look abit fat tho but i know you love me still. Every day feels like my birthday when i'm with you and i don't want to spend it with anyone else. I love you so much. Thanks for bearing with me all these months. Like you said, "the magic b is that we can forgive". You're right :)

And thanks for all the birthday wishes and the friends who remember. To the ones who have forgotten because of extreme RAYA excitement. You are forgiven.

Love,

the birthday girl.

PAWS :)

2010-09-07T23:13:00.001+08:00

PAWS IS NOT FUN.

Okay, fine. it is -.-

Lewis and i had fun.

So did Dayang, Dalton, Pei Lin, Felina,

Ryan, Leon and Chin Fang :)

hope i didn't miss anyone out.
OMG GAUTAM!!

thanks for the grt day!

We love dogs!

Even the parias hahaha

Ryan's b'day at MOS :)

2010-09-06T00:18:00.000+08:00

I had great fun.

I can't dance.

YES I AM 44kg ABISHII :)

2010-09-04T03:09:00.000+08:00

This is my break buddy,

ARIFFooo :)

&he so puasas everyday -.-

This is my baobei!

And my Nikki!!

Presentation was awesome today.

Am very proud and feel awesome.

One of the protests for History!

French Revolution

was all about the babies ;)

I've been happy.

I still am.

It's great being alive.

I'm happpy, ADRIAN ONG.

I really am.

Guess what's boiling :P

2010-09-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

44kg

&proud as hell :)

Omg, i've been jolly well.

It's my birthday in 9days!

But Lewis can't buy me a rabbit

cause mom said it stinks and shits a lot :(

Stupid hopping things.

Happy independence day.

2010-08-31T23:50:00.000+08:00

MY MERDEKA DATE :)

HAPPY 7th MONTH

BUBUBEAR!

I love you so so so very muchie.

my boyfriend doesn't love me :(

2010-08-30T00:50:00.000+08:00

So i know it's almost been a week since i've posted and that was me slacking right before Merdeka. No idea why i had to say that, it had no significance whatsoever. Okay, you know what. I guess i've just been in a mess. I've gotten no work done so far which breaks every promise i've kept and i'm much better than before in terms of sickness but i've yet to fully recover. I'm doing more normal things like in the sense of eating habits and that makes me feel psychologically a whole lot better. Lewis has been sleeping throughout his days just like i've been this past week and a half and i guess we're both well again now, almost completely.

I've got a prsentation and a test coming up and i have an overdue History paper to hand in. My History teacher still hasn't replied my text and that's prolly driving me pretty much insane but i guess i can manage. My mom is in Singapore and she'll be back later in the afternoon/evening, i'm not sure when. But she's seriously been gone for so long. Australia then Singpore. What next? She's really in her personal traveling zone thingy majigy. You know what, i don't even care anymore. I'm rambling, goodnight. Pictures soon :)

as soon as i take some at least :)
xx

Infidelity

2010-08-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

I can't take it.
I can't do this.
I need some form of appreciation.
And encouragement.
A lot of encouragement.
For someone with low self-confidence
like me.

:/
i hate myself.
fuckmylife.

Fever :(

2010-08-21T01:20:00.001+08:00

Mom's still in Australia and i'm sick as hell.

I just got myself an internet connection

so there'll be no excuse for procrastinating.

I know i haven't been consistent and loyal

and i deserve everything bad for that.

But i'm going to make it up laaaa ish.

This is how lame Friday Night Club is

on SATURDAYS:

Yes, we compare EVERYTHING -.-

And this is my History friend, Ikmal.

He has pretty handwriting no kidding :)

These are from both the orphanage visits.

And yes, i have a heart -.-

HI SHAWN LENG

2010-08-12T23:53:00.000+08:00

If you're reading this, i really want to say thanks.

You are full of concern and sincerity

and i don't know where i can ever find another girl like you.

Thanks love :)

&bby, i know you've been trying.

I can't explain how much you mean to me.

Things are going to turn out grt for us.

I love you,

more than anything :)

You can count on my love

2010-08-10T22:48:00.000+08:00

Things have been hard in college. It's not that i didn't try hard enough to please people but i guess i'm just not good with the ass-kissing. I have my flaws too, just like the rest of the world and i think pretty mean thoughts when i'm alone but i never do anything i say. I've been facing difficulties with work but the buds have been great and the boyfriend is just the icing on top. Mom is leaving to Australia soon for about ten days and i wouldn't say it'll be freedom for me. It's just going to be another reason to slack. The fact that everyone procrastinates makes me do the same. I want to complete things but i don't know how to. I really just don't even know how to do it.

I need some form of help.

And it's nothing a psychologist can pull.

Bububear Blows :)

2010-08-08T11:32:00.000+08:00

My birthday lovebird :)

2010-08-06T01:01:00.000+08:00

It's been only five days since our big day

and now it's yours.

You are 18.

And so what?

You still are the kid you are in my little eyes.

I love you just the same.

Maybe a little more.

Happy birthday bbyboy :)

Happy 6th month bby :)

2010-08-01T23:54:00.000+08:00

MTV WORLD STAGE! Yes, that was ytd but i decided to be a spoilsport and make everyone bail. I'm sorry but i was sick and tired and wet and dirty and idk, i just didn't want to endure it. Katy Perry sang five songs, SO WHAT?!?! :( She was mean for making people wait 8hours, hmph!

HAPPY 6th MONTH LEWIS YUEN :)

i love you more.

i love youu

2010-07-29T00:02:00.000+08:00

I know you've said a lot of things you didn't mean,

but it's not too late to take them back.

beautyinthebreakdown :(

2010-07-27T22:50:00.001+08:00

You're not supposed to just lose yourself in the midst of anger or frustration. We've taught each other a whole load of things we've never grown to realize. Somehow i feel like we're exchanging personalities. I used to think you had everything at your fingertips but i was wrong, and i still am. You were actually perfect for a second. Every inch of you seemed unpretentiously beautiful but then we started to get comfortable and we both started to weaken. We didn't need to fake perfection or go against our ways to be in any way impressive. Everything was laid back although it gave us more ways to pick on each other.

The worst part about you is that you know what's wrong but you never want to acknowledge it. You know what gets to me. You talk to me like i'm someone you've always been ready to pounce at with piercing words and well-planned arguments. I actually think of ways to say what i want to say in the least hurtful way and maybe you do too, idk.. but it kills me. I still remember how you used to rub an "inconsideration" lecture in my face and how i you used to groan because i can't believe that for one second i didn't take a joy ride in your shoes. Your ego goes beyond limits i could never imagine and i was so relieved when i heard that Saturday is the last day i'd ever have to go through that again.

But it feels like a challenge, like an obstacle i'd have to climb over everyday. Your narcissistic, manipulative ways drive me crazy by the second. It isn't a breeze or a puddle of water i could just skid through. You are amazing in so many ways but sometimes it takes more than what i'm capable of to overcome you. You wouldn't go that far for me, you would never go that far.

All i want is for us to compromise. I'm not rotting in an unknown corner. It's not like it'd be the end of the world for me but i just really want things to work out between us. Every time i think that everything is fine, God throws at me a pile of shit just to remind me that we're troubled and that the previous fight is definitely not the worst or the last. But why not? We get along just fine. And as far as i know, your cheap tricks might annoy me to the point of anger but i'd never go crazy. There's a difference though. You would. You feel that it'd be my loss if i didn't use the things i could use against you. Who'd think that? Instead of considering my good intentions, you make me sound dumb and gullible.

You have done a lot for me

just like i have for you.

But if there's no definition for enough,

how do we know when it is?

:/

If it's love :)

2010-07-26T22:47:00.000+08:00

A picture update from my blackberry's camera album :)

While everybody else is getting out of bed
I'm usually getting in it
I'm not in it to win it
And there's a thousand ways you can skin it

My feet have been on the floor
Flat like an idle singer
Remember winger
I digress
I confess you are the best thing in my life

But I'm afraid when I hear stories
About a husband and wife
There's no happy endings
No Henry Lee
But you are the greatest thing about me

If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather
That flock together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, Love
That's enough for me

Took a loan on a house I own
Can't be a queen bee without a bee throne
I wanna buy ya everything
Except cologne
'cause it's poison

We can travel to Spain where the rain falls
Mainly on the plain side and sing
'cause it is we can laugh we can sing
Have ten kids and give them everything

Hold our cell phones up in the air
And just be glad we made it here alive
On a spinning ball in the middle of space
I love you from your toes to your face

You can move in
I won't ask where you've been
'cause everybody has a past
When we're older
We'll do it all over again

When everybody else is getting out of bed
I'm usually getting in it
I'm not in it to win it
I'm in it for you

If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
Then the rest is just whenever

If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather
That flock together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, love
That's enough for me

Lwsyuen

2010-07-25T22:44:00.002+08:00

I think i'd say that ytd was the roughest day ever for the both of us. I still don't know how to to conclude who's to blame but i think it'd be best if it was referred to as merely a misunderstanding. For you, i could stand at the same spot for an hour and for me, you could wait. Although it was a little unfair because i had to stand and you claimed yourself a comfortable sitting position, we were both assured that what we were doing were ways to show each other how much we meant to each other.

So, i said,"Then i guess we're doing fine."

And baby, we are :) you really amaze me most of the time and i learn to love you more and more. You get furious, A LOT and you start to be "you but not you" again but i start to comprehend how it reflects a form of love in some fucking twisted up way. You scream because you love me, you shout because you love me, you swear because you love me, you cry because you love me. You are hard to find and hard to keep but i still believe what i've believed in since the first day.

You are worth every single fight,

every single teardrop.
I love you, it's undeniable.

Data management is so not math

2010-07-23T10:06:00.000+08:00

I start my first class at 9.15 which is something to be psyched about only because i used to get up at 6.30 last sem just to get to my 8oclock class on time. So nowadays i get to wake up at 8 but this morning i had to get up at 7 just so i could wake Lewis up for his exams. But Lewis being Lewis was cranky and procrastinating and i felt like poking him with a fork. But i didn't :) because i loooooove him. Okay, i'm bored. If i'd only remembered that i have Data at the computer lab today, i'd have gone for breakfast with Gautam instead of sitting in for a session of boredom. And this is not even the kind of session people actually refer to, bummer :( i'm done with work but i only have one thing left to say.

LEWIS YUEN IS THE

BIGGEST MANJA KING!

FRIDAY NIGHT CLUB :)

2010-07-18T23:25:00.002+08:00

This is one of the usual Friday nights..

BEFORE IT RAINED :)

Spot the blue bottle.

I made Lws buy me that :) and he did.

My thighs are already huge

and this picture just had to make 'em look bigger :(

And then after it started raining,

we escaped from the cold

by huddling indoors:

FRIDAY NIGHT CLUB :)

My Gentle German Guy :)

d'boyfwiend

Just wanted to say, bby, that these months with you have been perfectly gorgeous. We have gone through a whole shit load of fights and whatnot but i know and you know that we make up just fine :) things get better by day. I mean, idk about you but i sure fall deeper in love with you by day. You beat my celebrity boy dreams and ex boyfriends hands down. You define love lws :) every single inch of it.

I'm still here

2010-07-14T22:53:00.000+08:00

I know, i've been MIA for long.

I apologize for disappearing

but it's clearly not a choice.

My internet was and still is down

and i'm using my neighbour's right now.

I know :( sad.

So, to make it up..

A HUGE PICTURE-FILLED UPDATE :)

Esther's dog :)

At Lws' ex-school's four-ian fair:

Lewis, me, Sham and Shman :)

WORLD CUP FINAL MATCH

@sinbad:

with the usuals :)

CHEER 2010:

LOVE THE ABOVE SERIES OF PICS :B

AND LEWIS AND I ARE OFFICIALLY FACEBOOK COUPLES YAY!! :)

But Facebook is awfully dumb

LWS IS MY GIRLFRIEND -.-

5 good months :)

2010-07-03T00:29:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU LEWIS YUEN :)

Lewis is love :)

2010-06-29T01:17:00.000+08:00

Ok, guys.

Huge update :)

Taking you back all the way to Father's day:

And then just my boyfriend and i out for a drink :) Credits to Maywen who is now my god sister. Yes, a lot has happened -.-

And then sadly, Nanda left to Bali :(

FOR GOOD.

She gave me a cupcake :)

and a couple of her clothes.

Thanks a bunch babe.

I still miss you :(

And just a few days ago,

I GOT A BB :)

The one wearing orange: MINE :)

And after so goddamn long,

Lewis and i finally went dating :)

This was taken in the cinema cause we were the first ones there :) we waited more than 2 bloody hours just to watch She's Out of My League which turned out to be an awesome cliche chicflick :)

And this is just me camwhoring in my new favourite dress :) it's a gem.

Now you guys are up to date :)

Will continue filling you in.

I still love you,

xx.

You are amazing bbyboo

2010-06-16T01:09:00.000+08:00

And when i say rough, i really mean rough. We've been going through shit these few days and even that is an understatement. I never thought you'd stick around for this long especially when i was given up on before. I've never cried this much in my life and i think these miserable amount of days broke my crying record hands down. I don't know how to say this but i think this thing we're going through, it kills us. But you know what, everyday i wake up wanting to do this over and over again. Am i being cheesy again? :*

I don't know how we've been getting through these days and nights. They're emotionally torturing and it hurts to the core, no kidding. What have we been doing? We had emotional fights almost everywhere. When i'm a ~~sore loser~~ at pool in ac, when we endure silent treatments on the phone, when we're curled up in your house, when we're singing along to my favourite tunes in the car and today, even when we're sitting not on the seesaw but next to seesaws at your neighbourhood playground. We both cry our eyes out but of course i'm more child-like, by far. I know it's been hell bby but then again,

maybe just like me,

you'd rather do this awful thing again and again

than walk away from the most perfect chemistry.

I LOVE YOU

LEWIS YUEN WEN SHEN :)

I can't imagine a better day

2010-06-10T23:32:00.000+08:00

First sem's over and i have a one month break to come.

Grt time spent with the loved ones :)

LYLY

2010-06-09T00:04:00.000+08:00

I know it was rough and it's been rough ever since you left. But no matter how hard we tried or try to run away from each other something just pulls us back. It's like a force and i'm in denial here. You are equally important and i'm hoping nothing happens to you or us. We're rocky, i know but i have faith that nothing will come in between us because i need you just like you need me.

I miss those blue eyes

2010-06-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

No, i'm not racist.

Full speed ahead

2010-06-05T01:35:00.000+08:00

Excuse my incapability of declaring my love for anyone. It seems so foreign now, love for that matter. I don't know how it feels or maybe i forgot but seriously, sometimes love just isn't what i think it feels like. It doesn't make me feel a million emotions altogether or maybe it does but i just haven't found it yet. It's a shocker that someone who is always out there searching is clueless about love. I swear i thought i found it a few times in my life but at the rate things are going, i really don't think i have ever found it and i don't think i ever will, at least not soon. Okay, i feel like barfing. Chao!

College kills

2010-05-25T22:31:00.001+08:00

Omg, how long have i abandoned you?! :(

Sorry,

but i've been rather caught up with ISUs.

Just reminiscinggg

2010-05-22T00:37:00.001+08:00

the olden days

I hopeee it gives you hell

2010-05-19T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hi :) this is bad timing.

Not that i'm going through a mid-life crisis of any sort

but it's cause Lewis just had to call at this point of time.

Not that i didn't know that either.

Omg, i'm mumbling already.

Okay, youknowwhat?

I really like that picture.

That's all i wanted to say.

Thanks for wasting 10 secs of your life.

Byebye, xx.

Get it right

2010-05-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

Annnyonnnnnnng :)

supernovaaa :)

2010-05-17T00:08:00.000+08:00

Let's get a little emotional now, shall we? A little heart to heart :) like i haven't been emotional enough lately -.- but whatevs, we need moments like these sometimes. So life has been at the most complicated state lately. Idk what steps to take next and who to turn to. It's becoming a burden. Love in specific is becoming a burden actually. I'm going to sleep it off after i get off this phone call i'm on right now. Goodnight, sleeptight and i love you guys.

No, seriously.

Brilliant :)

2010-05-16T01:41:00.000+08:00

Apparently all the very important people in my life.

Excluding a few but whatevs :)

quite a sum.

baby let me love you down :)

2010-05-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

but i doubt you'd understand,

xx.