Bubble blues: 3months3days, nothing's changed.

Hi  :)

It's been a pretty emotional day. I got my sleeping hours back on track and i'm starkly proud about that. Well, it's 1 now and i'm still up so i'll have to see how tonight goes before proceeding with my brags. Anyways, i woke up at 830 today because of Jon's bloody alarm. The amount of times he snoozed it, countless. I had a last minute presentation meeting this morning and then a presentation at 11.30 which apparently went well. Chengju, our modern asia tutor, seemed to enjoy it very much even after the constant bombarding of questions; even political ones when the presentation was on Kpop. I wonder how he does it - connecting every single thing to politics.

I had the day free since 1.30. I stayed in class for an extra 10 minutes before heading to Maxb for chocolate frappe with Sher. She headed to class and i went shopping for a couple of hours and ended up, sadly, empty handed. Met up again with Sher for roticanai at Oldtown. Oh, how this makes me feel homesick. I just wanna run back home to where petty things used to matter. Melbourne is such a lonely place, no kidding.They all say it's only because it's only been 3 months but idk. Something tells me it's not about how much time has passed but more about my indecisiveness. This whole identity crisis thing is making me sick to the bone. Sounds like me blogging when i was 17 doesn't it? I think this whole phase comes when i feel like shit. It's not surprising.

I thought for someone as flirtatious as me, friends would come easy, go easy. But it seems to be only working one way. There were those days where i felt good and whole but then there are the rest of the days, most of the days where i feel so useless and unworthy. I'm still searching for the few things in life that i'd treasure but some say i'm too young for such important discoveries. These few years to come will be the fun years, the carefree years, the years of mischief and incessant mistakes. So where does this put me?

Shifting continents made me think that i would be in a better place, better people. Balls! I've brought myself to a corner so low I actually felt i would never be able to pick myself up again, put together the scattered pieces. And i'm still here. I've got the buds to offer hands but it's like metaphorically not having the strength to reach them. It's a shame that after coming this far, i still haven't learned the fundamental laws of life. My brain is an empty nut, cracked open for the world to see. In this case, i wear my brain/nut on my sleeve. So they all know. No one's left uninformed. They all know what i have to give..

Nothing.

Thanks for the constant attention and love, Sher.

xx